The Stress of Waiting for Hindsight

If you've been reading this blog you probably know that I've been working on what I call "the boxes" for a really long time now.  At least 6 months.  I'll tell you a secret.  Much of this time I've been in a panic that the piece is a big mess and will never amount to anything. 

This weekend I took it apart and reconstructed it for at least the 3rd time and I think I've finally got it.  Actually, I think I love it.  If this is true, if it is a really good piece that I love, then I can begin to look back on the past 6 months as a really excellent use of time.  Wouldn't that be nice!

But what I would like is to know for sure ahead of time.  Because honestly the stress of waiting to find out if I was wasting my time really gets to me.  Ever since I was introduced to the word "omniscient" I have wanted it in the worst way.  Imagine knowing for sure how things really are, knowing for sure that you are making the right choices!!! 

Instead, my reality always seems to involve making important decisions without enough information.  Not, mind you, because of lack of research but rather because the information I need will be revealed tomorrow.   Like the time we bought a new TV the day before Matt lost his job.  Or maybe it was a computer.  Somehow I think we got caught on both of those purchases!  Oh life.  You are so fucking funny.  It's a good thing I have well developed senses of irony and sarcasm. 

And of course, the thing to remember in art is that if you are working then you are never wasting your time.  Something will always come out of it, even if you have to wait six months to see what it is!!

And the seemingly irrelevant picture?   Some of the peace and quiet that I keep making myself feel guilty for not feeling.  Tomorrow I hope, a photo of the piece in question!