Fluctuate

In the final book of Doris Lessing’s Children of Violence series several of the characters suffer from mental illness. Or at least that’s what they and the society around them believe. It turns out that they are not so much mentally ill as developing abilities they will need to live in a completely altered environment. So after the nuclear incident the “mentally ill” are actually the best prepared for survival.

I think about this frequently. As I sit here to write about it I realize I cannot articulate what I mean. But somehow this experience equates to art and artmaking. Somehow there is always a period where (where what… the artmaking process is mentally ill???) and the question: “Is the artmaking mentally ill or merely preparing to be a part of something I don’t yet understand?” weighs heavily on my mind. But I like the idea that it is all about a future experience because that means I can trust myself. That means that I can follow impulses I don’t quite understand because the meaning will be revealed later. I hope.